How to Feel Loved

Many people believe that if they behave the right way, say the right things, or make themselves more lovable, they will feel more loved. But this kind of reflexive thinking is fundamentally misguided, causing a disconnect that can lead to loneliness, depression and self-doubt. Sonja Lyubomirsky, the world’s preeminent expert on happiness, and Harry Reis, one of the world’s leading experts on relationships and connection, have studied the complexities of well-being and love in depth. In How to Feel Loved they present a radical, hopeful, and science-backed shift in how to think about love. They reveal that feeling loved isn’t about making ourselves more appealing - it’s about showing our full and vulnerable selves to others and encouraging our loved ones to do the same. They introduce five powerful mindsets to help us feel the love we crave: A Sharing mindset - showing our vulnerabilities and inner world, not just the polished parts A Listening-to-Learn mindset - making space to truly tune in to another, not just to take turns speaking A Radical Curiosity mindset - being genuinely interested in another and asking better questions An Open-Heart mindset - being kind and affirming to another for who they truly are A Multiplicity mindset - embracing the messy complexity in all of us These mindset shifts give shape to a dynamic back-and-forth process the authors call the Relationship See-Saw, which will help readers remake their conversations in ways that enable them to deeply know those they love and become deeply known by them. It isn’t enough to be loved. To be truly fulfilled, we must feel loved. This book shows us how.